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The Adventures of Attorney-Man

Catching the Real Criminals: Another Win for Attorney-Man

It started like any other day for Eddie Jones. He woke up, took a shower, read the paper over coffee and toast, and promptly discovered that there was a warrant out for his arrest. The police knocked on his door (since his face had been plastered all over the news for the last twelve hours) and arrested him. This was only the beginning of his woes, unfortunately.

It had begun just a few days earlier, when a loving couple and their son were attacked outside a gas station. Eddie had filled his car with gas only a few minutes before the attack, but he had left before the assault took place—or so he said. Little did he realize that the video from outside the station was tampered with before Eddie got back into his car. The family that was attacked was found unconscious at the scene and taken to a hospital, where they remained in that state

This is where your beloved Attorney-Man comes in. See, I had been tracking someone for days when this whole mess went down. Problems like this had been occurring all over the state for weeks, and innocent people kept going to jail for the crimes committed.

BUT NOT THIS TIME.

I was hot on the trail of a man named George, who referred to himself as Transient. Transient had the ability to vanish and reappear at will, anywhere within a one-hundred-mile radius of where he was.

As you can guess, this skill was perfect for committing crimes and letting other people take the fall, especially since he was skilled in the manipulation of electronics—including video recordings. His only weakness? He was allergic to plastic; it made it almost impossible for him to think, let alone vanish, when his skin was covering itself in hives.

The problem was that I never knew exactly where Transient was going to pop up next, or what type of crime was going to be committed since he had been escalating. All I could do was keep trying to fix things after the fact. This time I vowed that things would be different: I was going to find Transient and exonerate all those innocent people he’d framed.

Law enforcement didn’t know any of this, of course. By day I am a bookish lawyer, quiet and nondescript—but a skilled criminal attorney with a winning record. Not even my wife knows what I do after all those hours in the office.

The first step I took was offer to represent Eddie in court—for free, of course. I knew for a fact that Eddie was innocent; I just needed more time to prove it and catch Transient.

The good news was that in the weeks prior to Eddie’s framing I had figured out a way to track Transient using radios. Stations with even perfect reception would fill with static whenever the villain was around. When I wasn’t at the office, I could drive around the city, listening to the local radio until I heard the static indicating where Transient might be.

Luckily, I found it. The awful static began right in the middle of one of my favorite songs, and I followed it, weaving through the city as it got stronger and louder. When it was at its worst, I stopped and got out of my car, following the noise using a small portable radio. I didn’t really have a plan on how to catch the villain, but I carried zip ties with me just in case.

When the static got to be more than I could bear, I stopped, waited, and listened. Finally, I heard it: the sounds of glass being broken. I wasted no time in jumping into action to corner Transient, who was in the throes of pain from cutting himself on a jagged piece of glass. I took this as my moment and leapt onto the villain, knocking him to the floor and wrestling his arms behind his back. Those zip ties had been the best choice I had made in a long time. They kept Transient from doing anything while the police were en route.

With Transient behind bars, I could focus on getting Eddie out of jail and cleared of all charges. My luck would keep up, since the family that had been assaulted woke up before Eddie’s trial and was able to testify that Eddie hadn’t even been there when the attack happened.

The prosecution was still trying to make a case for Eddie’s guilt, however, since the security video had been tampered with. But, the real hero of this story had a way around that. See, one of the assaulted family’s kids had been wearing spy glasses, a rather expensive birthday present from his grandparents. These ordinary-looking glasses recorded everything and uploaded it every twenty-four hours to the cloud.

The little boy made me aware of this shortly before the trial was set to begin, giving me yet another advantage in the case to free Eddie. With the video downloaded and presented as evidence, it was made clear that Eddie had already driven off and that someone else was responsible for the heinous crime.

We got even luckier because Transient slipped up: Since he didn’t know the glasses were electronic, he didn’t mess with them the way he had with the other camera on the outside of the building, leaving a clear picture of the real perpetrator.

After our case had been made, Transient admitted to the crimes—all of them. Eddie was free to return to his son and family, and one by one, all those innocent people in other cities were freed as well. While I played the part of a capable criminal defense lawyer in Sacramento, Attorney-Man, the superhero, was praised in the news and on paper as the one who brought Transient to justice. Who knew that a quiet lawyer who took more pro-bono cases than the firm thought he should would turn out to be the true hero of this story?